Monday, December 23, 2013

SCAM #16: ROSEMARIE BLUMEN MOLDENHAUER

I finally got the common sense to forward these scams to an email address under a different name, Chester Hooten. I'm honored that so many people around the world trust me to put their money to a good cause when they're dying, even if they never get around to giving it to me:

From: Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhauer
Date: Fri, Dec 13, 2013 at 2:27 AM

Beloved

  I am Mrs Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhauer born in Munich Germany  with e-mail address: ( rosemariemoldenhauer@postino.at ), i have 10 Million Pounds (£ 10,000,000.00 GBP) which I have decided to donate to you and want you to use this money to fund the up keep of widows,widowers, orphans, destitute, the down- trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.I'm in a hospital in India/Asia now where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer. I have since lost my ability to talk, and my doctors have told me that I have only a few weeks to live. My husband's family want me dead to acquire this wealth. I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them as they are unbelievers.

 I want these funds to be distributed to CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS. Please, help me Stand-in as the beneficiary to collect the Funds from the security company and distribute to charity. I need honest and trust worthy individual that will utilize this money in accordance with my instruction. I want the funds to be used in funding religious organizations, orphanages and less privileged propagating the word of God. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are very unkind to me and I don't want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my course and I shall hold my peace. Please get back to my private email : rosemariemoldenhauer@postino.at, if you can help me to carry out my dream because right now i am in the sick bed, hope to hear from you.

Sincerely Yours.
Mrs Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhauer
PLEASE REPLY ME ON THIS EMAIL:   rosemariemoldenhauer@postino.at

Never let it be said I'm not understanding, even when it's next to impossible to understand what the heck they're saying. I replied immediately:


Dec 13
Dear Frau Moldenhauer,

In-laws, hunh? What a pain. Instead of waiting for you to just get up and die on your own accord, they want to grease the chute to get it over with that much faster. I can't say that I blame them necessarily, because I can't think of anyone would wouldn't want 10 million smackers. But you're right, there are too many barren woman who need money to... well, whatever it is barren women do when they can't have children, like go on vacations and drink like people who just received 10 million pounds. So it all fits beautifully.

Unlike your husband's family, I know I'm a believer. I believe I'd like to get my hands on that dough and do some good with it. I'm an orphan, so I know I count. Let me know what to do, and I'll get your money to the right people faster than you say veeblefetzer.

Yours in Christie,
Chester Hooten


Unfortunately, she couldn't say anything faster than "veeblefetzer," repeating the whole cancer/husband/rotten in-laws rigamarole before getting down to brass tacks:

Beloved ,

      Thanks for the pain you took to write me, I appreciate it
because it gives me hope.I am Mrs Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhaue a
citizen of Germany, my husband worked with an gold exploration company
in India/Asia for 29 years. Before his death in February 2011
Christchurch earthquake in INDIA,He deposited the sum of £
10,000,000.00 GBP with a Latin Allied Security and Financial
Company,The Fund Was Meant To Use And Open a charitable home for the
less privilege and named me his wife as the beneficiary of this trust
fund as the beneficiary of the funds but due to my present ill health
I prefer to rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to
receive it on my behalf as I cannot come over due to my health
condition.

    I'm in a hospital in India/Asia now where I have been undergoing
treatment for esophageal cancer. I have since lost my ability to talk,
and my doctors have told me that I have only a few days to live. My
husband's family want me dead to acquire this wealth. I cannot live
with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them
as they are unbelievers. I want these funds to be distributed to
CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS. Please, help me Stand-in as the beneficiary to
collect the Funds from the Security Company and distribute to charity.
I need honest and trust worthy individual that will utilize this money
in accordance with my instruction. I want the funds to be used in
funding religious organizations, orphanages and less privileged
propagating the word of God. I took this decision because I don't have
any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are
very unkind to me and I don't want my husband’s  hard earned money to
be misused. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I
know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14
says that the lord will fight my course and I shall hold my peace.

    I need you to stand as the beneficiary of my late husband's funds
that are in the Latin Allied Security and Financial Company,I want
these funds to be transferred to you before anything bad happens to
me. When the funds are transferred, i want you to use it for charity
work in my family name, for the less privileged, orphans and other
indigents in the society. I don't want the funds to be left in the
Latin Allied Security and Financial Company.I have discussed my
intentions of making you my next of kin legal manner and he will make
all arrangement in your name, as the beneficiary of the funds and also
my next of kin.


  I have suffered from cancer that extended even before the death of
my husband here ,my husband had supported me mentally and spiritually
until his untimely death. The news of my husband's death came as a
huge blow to my face which I'm still recovering to this day. Not a day
goes by without me thinking of him.When I first heard the news of the
death of my husband, I was shocked, I felt like I lost everything. I
felt like the whole world has ended but am still glad to be alive to
write you this email.


please contact the security company to clam your fund,Latin Allied
Security and Financial Company.(securlatin@gmail.com).
just contact them that you are from Mrs Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhaue,I
have notified them that I will be willing the funds to you for a
specific purpose and good work.You are implored to use this funds once
it has been delivered to you,for the less-privileged, widows, and
orphans, destitute and indigent persons in the society. Please do your
best to see that the dream of Late Mr Gerhard of blessed memory and my
dream is fulfilled and make sure this is kept confidential as you are
the only one contacted for this and aware of this too .I hope you will
be willing to assist and be used as an instrument to help those in
need

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Rosemarie Blumen Moldenhaue

P.s. All, I need your total commitment and confidentiality while
performing this duty, I would not want to endanger performance of this
my only desire

German woman... Indian hospital... Latin Allied Security -- it's like going around the world without ever having to leave your laptop! It was time to get in touch with these Latin folks:

To securlatin@gmail.com


Dec 15
 

Frau Moldenhauer told me to get in touch with you about me collecting, I mean, distributing her fortune to charity. That cancer thing sure is tough. On the other hand, sometimes I wish my girlfriend would catch that cancer thing so she'd stop talking, LOL!

Now I'm more than happy to get my paws on Moldenhauer's money because I've got a few pet charities, including the Chester Hooten Beer Fund, the Chester Hooten Porn Fund and the Chester Hooten Beer & Porn Fund. If you can think of any other, well just keep it to yourself because Frau Moldenhauer wants me to get her dough. Make sure it's in dollars, not franks or whatever Germans use these days. My bank is mighty particular in what I deposit.

So let me know what to do next. Those funds are just aching for some action.

Yours in Crusty,
Chester Hooten

They were so anxious to get the money to me that they completely forgot to suggest any other charities:

Hello,

Nice to hear from you and please i want you to forward us with your personal information,so we can be cleared that you are the true beneficiary of the fund kept in our security company.

1,your full name.
2,your nationality.
3,Address.
4,Telephone number.
5,Occupation.
6,pls scan to us any of your identification to prove you are the rightful beneficiary,either your I.D prove or driving licence.
Thanks 
Dip.James Donald.
I believe it was Peter Marshall, the host of "Hollywood Squares," who often used the phrase, "Turnabout is fair play":
Dear Dip,

While I'm ready and willing to help Frau Moldenhauer, you have to look at things from my perspective. Like, for instance, you're asking me for all kinds of information and a scan of my ID. There sure are a lot of scams on the internets and I'd hate to be the sap to fall for one. So if you don't mind, I'd like you to send me a scan of Frau Moldenhauer ID. Come to think of it, I'd like yours, too. I mean, how do I know you're not one of her husband's relatives that wants to rip her off?

Chester Hooten


I seemed to be the only one who thought it was fair play:

This is the security company she kept the money and she have notify us that you are the beneficiary of the fund,if you need her identity you can ask her for it.and you can still ask her again about this company so you will be sure of what you are doing and this is not a scam.
So i will advice you to ask her better about what you are doing and why we requested for your information's is to be sure that you are the rightful beneficiary of the said fund kept to our company.
Thanks
Dip James Donald. 
Making me bother a woman hospitalized with cancer -- man, that is low. Not low enough for me ignore, though:
How now Frau,

Your security guy Dip wanted a copy of my ID, and frankly that gave me the willies. I thought that he should show me his ID first, but he said I should ask you for yours. Considering the state of your health, I thought that was a little much, but, like they say in the army, orders is orders.

I don't want you to think I don't trust you, but... well, let me put it this way. If I told you out of the blue that I had a few million dollars to give you and all I needed to do was to send you my personal information, wouldn't you think that was a little hinky? So all you need to do is send me a scan of your ID -- a passport would be nice, but I'd accept a drivers license or your Hitler Youth League card if necessary.

Christmas is coming and I sure could use that dough.

Yours is crust,
Chester Hooten

Frau Moldenhauer left me with an empty Christmas stocking. She must have been sicker than I thought.

                                                            ************


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

SCAM #15: CHIEF IAN BLAIR

 After all these scams, it was good to hear from Scotland Yard. Finally, I was going to get some action!


Chief Ian Blair <chiefianblair0111@live.com>





  Date: 29th Of October 2013


                                  SCOTLAND YARD POLICE SURVEILLANCE UNIT LONDON UK
Attn:  Card Owner,
This is to inform you that we have been notified by the SCOTLAND YARD POLICE monitoring team that an All Time Money Card(ATM) has been sent to your address on Monday the 21st day of October 2013,Through the  United Nation Humanitarian Department/US Customs Service as written on  the envelope, After our online investigation,It has been said to stop the movement of the card which left USA to your address because of a  non payment of 200 Great British Pounds for the Internal Revenue commission fees.(Mandatory)
If you have in anyway paid these fees in the past,then you are  therefore advised to get back to this office through this same email(chiefianblair01@live.com) with the payment information for the amount as written above to enable us release the movement of your ATM card which has an accompany documents from the united Nation.And if you have not,then you will have to get back to us to enable us link you to the information for the payment.
We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you but also plead with you to do what is needed hence it is the organization policy and can not be void by any company or individuals.
Best Regard,
Chief Ian Blair.
Chairman, Central Scotland Police

Wow. I like to consider myself a fairly intelligent guy, but that email made absolutely no sense to me. I realize English isn't these crooks' first language, but at least the others made some kind of sense. For the first time, I had to be something close to honest in my reply:

My dear Chief Blair:
I appreciate you getting in touch with me on such a vital matter. Unfortunately, after reading your email three times, I have no idea what you're trying to convey to me. Perhaps it's the difference in our different approaches to the same language. It could be that, in transmitting your message, the words got mixed up. Would you please send another email to me in words I can understand? I'm very much a supporter of the police in any country, and want to do whatever I can to help.  


After three days of silence, I received a reply:


Thank you for your email Mr.Kevin,Hope you are doing well?

I am very sorry if you don't really understand my message,Sure you are right that it may have to do with differ languages,I was just trying to inform you that there is a parcel which contain an ATM card here in your name and address but was stopped by this noble office because of the non payment of the IRS Charge for the government,and the prize is 200 Great British Pounds.

Ian.

Ahh, that was more like it! But since I started out as something resembling a normal person, I had to continue in that vein:
My dear Chief Blair:
Thank you for asking about my well-being. I commend your noble office for doing its duty. I'm more than happy to pay the IRS whatever it is owed. But the ATM card is worth 200 pounds. That's British money. Great British money, in fact. There's not a store in America that doesn't accept anything but the good ol' U.S. dollar. What good would the ATM card do me? 


One look at the length of his reply and I knew he was salivating at getting the dough from the alleged sucker he had hooked:


CENTRAL SCOTLAND POLICE
RANDOLPH FIELD, STIRLING,
SCOTLAND, FK8 2HD LONDON/UK..
Tel: +447452285590, +447430180590

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Date: 6th Of November 2013



                                       SCOTLAND YARD POLICE SURVEILLANCE UNIT LONDON UK
Attn: Kevin Kusinitz,Thank you for your email letter of this day,To tell you the truth my dear,I cannot send out my ID to anyone on internet here for any reason considering all what scammers has done with my names and even officials email Id and that is my reason of contacting you from a personal and more secured email id.If not that is the only thing i should have sent to you as prove.

The attached file is a copy of your ATM Card which i am not also supposed to send to you but due to your Status and what your file says you have gone through in the hands of the scammers,I have decided to send you a copy as email attachment.Although it also bear some legal documents in your names and address but i cannot attach them all for you because it is against the law hence it is not rightfully mine.If you have read my first email carefully,you would have seen that it was sent from the United Nation humanitarian agency for compensation via US Custom Service. and the amount in the ATM card is US$4Million Only from what the documents attached to it states,I will also want you to reconfirm me with your full names and address so that i can cross check with what i have on the envelope to avoid wrong address.
What i have tried to make you understand is that the sum of 200 Great British Pounds is needed for the IRS service charge which must be paid before the card will be delivered to you.If you are therefore pleased with my email,then you get back to me so that i can link you with the information to send the fees to.

I hope this answers your questions?

Best Regard
Chief Ian Blair.
Chairman, Central Scotland Police


I thought he was getting overly-familiar with that "my dear" stuff. Plus, he  had mentioned nothing about $4-million in his first email. Bad attitude on his part.  I thought it was time to wrap this up sooner.
 
 Sorry it took so long to reply. I just moved to a new house and it took a while to set up my internet service. I'm a little short of cash right now. Do you think you could lend me the 200 pounds, and I pay you back when I get the ATM card? Once I get that four million bucks, you know I'm good for it. I could ask my brother for the cash, but he's out of the country. He's an FBI agent and is in Nigeria on some secret case.
I figured that would put the fear of God in him. I figured wrong:

Sorry,There is no way we can do that,You must pay the money to get your Card.
Ian. 
What part of "FBI agent" did this guy not understand? It looked like I had to get a little more hamfisted:

Good news. My brother the FBI agent is flying to London from Nigeria next week. He says you're a good friend of his, having worked with you on some cases involving email scams. He would be happy to drop by your office with a check for 200 pounds (and even take you out to lunch!). You can then give him the ATM card, which he'll give to me when gets back to America.

He'll be in touch with you regarding his arrival. Thank you for your help. 


Was he fooled or did he realize that he was the one who got scammed? I'll never know. Nice ATM card, though.

                                                            ******************  


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

SCAM #14: MAJOR ALAN EDWARD

Now here's a fellow who took the time to take a different tact from the usual tall tales.

Major Alan Edward <hasan@kideco.com>




Hello,

I am in the Military Unit here in Afghanistan, we have some amount of funds that we want to move out of the country. My partners and I need a good partner and someone we can trust. It is risk free and legal. Reply to this email:majoralanedward14@bisedime.net


I saw this movie. It was called Three Kings and starred George Clooney. I enjoyed it so much, I had to take part in it.

At ease, Major!

They say war is hell, but from here it looks like heaven -- like $20 million worth! And no way should your trust be given out lightly. You've been fighting a war where the next camel you see might have a bomb inside its hump. I had a hump the other night, and it was a bomb. But I didn't tell her, haha!
 
I'm afraid I'm not married. At least, not any more. My wife left me for another lady. Can you believe that? I wondered why she watched Ellen Degeneres all the time and knew the lyrics to all the Indigo Girls songs. The lady she left me for has hair shorter than me and looks like a Teamster. I mean, she looked more like a man than me. Maybe that was my problem. Well, that and the hairs on my tongue.
But trust, like the street where I grew up, runs both ways (except when street cleaning rules are in effect). I know that you need my all my vital information. But I need to trust you. I need to see your military ID (dog tags -- like you're animals, so insulting) before I show you my passport. Then we can talk about that money situation of yours. Just don't tell my ex-wife. She and her "husband" might want some of that loot, probably for one of them to get a sex change, which would be really stupid, since that would make the whole lesbian thing moot.

 Not only did he come through with the ID, he actually asked for my input regarding investments. Now that's a pal!
 
 
Dear Friend,
 
 I am in receipt of your recent email hence this reply please note  that this transaction is LEGAL AND RISK FREE ,I have also sent an attached copy of my military id along this mail.I need you to trust me and help me achieve this dream.

 funds were discovered in one of the raid we carried out here in the city of Kabul. We have decided to hide these funds until recently when the Government embarks on the pulling out of our troops from here. please note that immediately I acquire this money the need to find a very reliable and trusted person who will help receive and keep the money safe now arises, so i now have to search through the international web contact directory database so that is where I found your very credible contact.My unit will be the next to be pulled of out of here in the next 3-4 months or so, hence the need to get a reliable partner that can help us receives this funds until I return home became very necessary. Please I will appreciate your co-operation and your utmost honesty to execute this transaction with me. The total sum amount in the box is $20,000,000 MILLIONS US DOLLARS and I hope that you can handle it?
 
Immediately the money get to you just go ahead and take your 30% and then keep my 70% very safe until i am through with my business over here.
 Meanwhile i will want you to help me suggest a very good and lucrative business that we can both invest in and after my service is through which will be December this year i will come over and run our investment. I will really appreciate if you can respond back with your full contact details so that we can proceed further.

Full Name:
Contact Address:
Phone number:
A scan copy of your ID or International Passport.

Hoping to hear from you soonest.
 
Regards,
Major Alan Edward.
 
 
I couldn't wait to get our business up and running.
 
My my, what a strapping soldier you are! No doubt you kicked some serious Kabul butt. Or would that be Kabulian butt? Those middle east countries have oil money floating out of their ears; no way are they going to miss $20 million, You deserve it, pal, no doubt about it. By the way, just a million one-dollar bills weighs 2,040 pounds, which is pretty darn heavy. So 20 million times 2,040 is way more than I can figure out even with a calculator. So make sure you exchange them for hundreds. I think that would be only 400 pounds. If airplanes can carry fat people, they can certainly carry the same weight in money.
As for a good investment, well you came to the right person! I've got an idea that will make us even bigger millionaires! Condoms for dogs when their owners can't afford to get them fixed. Believe me, pet owners will spend anything for their animals. They're sick that way, that's for sure, unless you're a pet owner, which would mean you just care about them a lot. I've been batting around some names for the product. Which one sounds good to you?:
K9 Condoms
Fido Fux
Bow Wow Balloons
Rover's Rubbers

And since you were so good to show me your ID, here is mine. I hope this gives all the information you need. By the way, can you give me an advance on that $20 million? I want to start up the business ASAP, partner!


 Once again, my cut-and-paste skills were a sure sign I wasn't on the level. Either that, or he was a Broadway maven who immediately recognized the legendary stage actor Bobby Clark, because this was the end of our communication. When will I ever learn?
 
                                                     *********************

                                            
 
 
 

Monday, October 28, 2013

SCAM #13: MRS AISYAH

 I was getting a little tired of this whole Nigerian thing, so it was with great pleasure I received something a little more Singaporean -- even if it was a sad story to read:

 Dearly Beloveth, I am Mrs Aisyah a Singaporean nationality. I was married to Late Denis Woodsberg of blessed memory who was an oil explorer in Brunei Darrusalem for twelve years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for twelve years without a child; he died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Since his death I too have been battling with both Cancer and fibroid problems. When my late Husband was alive he deposited a substantial amount of money worth GBP 4,300,000.00 Million British Pounds with a bank abroad which I inherited and recently, my doctor told me that I have only 2 months to live due to my ailment. having known my condition I decided to donate this funds to a devoted God fearing personality that will utilize the funds basically to the benefit of the less privileged ones since I have no next of kin to inherit my estate funds. I want you to always pray for me, Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another individual for this same purpose. If you are not interested, kindly pardon me for contacting you. You can reach me with my private Email ID(mrsaisyah81@gmail.com). May God be with you and your entire family as you reply to assist me. Remain blessed. Mrs Aisyah.

 Let it not be said that I'm unsympathetic:

Now that is some sad story! I thought I had it tough when I my aunt died when she sneezed while brushing her teeth and choked to death on her toothbrush. Now that I think of it, I didn't have it as tough as her. She died, I lived. That's why I don't brush my teeth anymore. You never know when a sneeze is going to happen. Colgate is for the birds.

I'll pray for you, alright. I'll also pray to get my hands on your money. What do I have to do?

I guess I was a little too honest at the end. I never heard from her again.

                                                 ******************* 

Friday, October 4, 2013

SCAM #12: TERENCE P. MCCULLEY/REV DIKE EFE

 And it's back to the time-tested Nigerian scam. Note how the word "embassy" is deliberately misspelled in the first email just in case I want to get in touch with him -- clever people, these Nigerians! But that still doesn't explain why the first letter in every word in the body of the email is capitalized.
 
TERENCE P. MCCULLEY usa.embassey@nigeria.org via www2385.sakura.ne.jp 




US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
2, WALTER CARRINGTON CRESCENT
VICTORIA ISLAND, LAGOS, NIGERIA
Web Site; Http://Nigeria.Usembassy.Gov/Biography.Html

Attention Beneficiary

Without Mincing Words, I Am Convinced 100% That You Have Had Bitter Experience With Various Scammers 'Claiming To Be High Government Officials Banks And Thereby Defrauding You Of Your' Hard-Earned Money'The Activities Of These Scammers Has Changed Your Perspective About Conducting Business On The Internet And You Now Believed There Is No Genuine Business That Can Be Conducted On The Internet. Well I Am American And The Internet Was Created By Americans For The Purpose Of Creating; Awareness For Your Products/ Services And Conducting Genuine Business With Ease. I Am Fully Committed To Deliver The Diplomatic Consignment To You. I Am A Full Citizen Of The United States.

Hence, I Am Making Every Effort To Ensure That No Citizen Of The United States Is Cheated By Nigeria/Benin Republic. Therefore, I Need Your Utmost Support And Understanding To Actualize This Dream. I Also Want You To Understand That I Do Trust You And I Expect You To Show Me The Same Trust And Respect In Return Since Trust Is A 2-Way Street. On
The Other Hand, Trust Is A Relationship Of Reliance. Trust Also Means Being Able To Predict What Other People Will Do And What Situations Will Occur.

The United States Embassy Has Resolved On A Diplomatic Mission To Nigeria On-Behalf Of 100 Scam Victims To Be Compensated After Police Arrested Some Fraudsters In Lagos Nigeria Who Mentioned Your Particulars As One Of The Victims Of Circumstances.

Note That After My Meeting With Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, President Federal Republic Of Nigeria And Other House Of Representative Members, World Bank, United Nations And International Monetary Fund (IMF),They Agreed To Pay You (Five Million Us American Dollars Only) As Your Compensation, You Have Really Paid So Much In This Delivery That Makes Me Wonder. You Are A Very Lucky Person Because I Shall Be Bringing It Myself And There Is Nothing Anyone Can Do About It. Check Here:
Http://Nigeria.Usembassy.Gov/Biography.Html

Your Package($5Million USD) Must Be Registered As An Ambassadorial Package  For Me To Defeat All Odds And The Cost Of Registering It Is $185.The Fee Must Be Paid
So That All Necessary Arrangement Can Be Made Before Time Will Be Against Us. Contact My Secretary Immediately For The Registering Fee Which Is $185 Only.

Contact My Secretary Immediately For More Information.
Rev Dike Efe
Email: revdikeefe@gmail.com

Congratulations For Your Name Were Among The List To Be Receiving Compensation Payment.

I Expect You To Comply Before Then So That The Delivery Can Be Completed.
If You Do Not Comply, Then It Will Not Be My Fault If You Do Not Receive Your Package. Call Me With This Number For More Information:
Call +234-7062700110.

Best Regards.

Finally! Someone who cares for us people being scammed! I had to show my appreciation.

Hello Rev Dike!
Your boss got in touch with me about those scams that have been coming my way. I'm glad someone in your government is taking a look at this stuff. Trust is a 2 way street, but I live on a one-way street. I hope that doesn't make any difference.
Yes, predicting what people will do and changes will happen is important. But the sports anchors and weathermen never seem to get it right. Always off about the hurricane season! You don't have hurricanes in Nigeria, right? You have no idea what those are like. Wind and rain like the dickens alright.
Five million smackers for me? Nigeria: land of opportunity! I'm confused about this $185 deposit thingy, though. Can you explain it a little clearer? All those capitalized words in your boss' email got me dizzy -- had to lie down! So let me know what I got to do.
My best to Nigeria.

They make it pretty clear that I've got to fork over 185 bucks.

Us Ambassador To Nigeria
2, Walter Carrington Crescent
Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Tel:+234-7062700110

Attention Beneficiary:
This Is To Inform You That I Acknowledge Your Mail,

The Total Amount For Everything Is $185 We Have Tried Our Possible Best To Indicate That This $185 Should Be Deducted From Your Approved And
Endorse Fund But We Found Out That The Funds Have Already Been
Deposited To This Office And Cannot Be Accessed By Anyone Apart From
You The Winner, Therefore You Will Be Required To Pay The Required
Fee.

You Are Hereby Approved To Receive Your Fund As We Have Verified The
Entire Transaction To Be Safe And 100% Risk Free, Due To The Fact That
The Funds Have Been Deposited With Our Office  And You Will Be
Required To Settle The Cost Of Registration $185 The Fee Must Be Paid
So That All Necessary Arrangement Can Be Made Before Time Will Be
Against Us

In Order To Proceed With This Transaction, You Will Be Required To
Make The Payment With Our Embassy Protocol Officers Name Below:


Receives Name: Mrs.Helen Ndukwe
Address: 11, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Text Question: For
Text Answer: Service
Amount Expected $185

As Soon As You Make The Payment You Send Me The Details So That I Will
Proceed For The Onward Delivery Immediately.The President Will Endorse
The Final Signatory Before I Have To Proceed With The Delivery To You
House Address

Please Take Note That The "Custom Clearance Certificate" And Certified
Check Will Be Packaged Together Inside The U.S Embassy Official
Envelope For Immediate Dispatch To Your Mailing Address. Hence, You
Are Advised To Comply As Requested To Enable Me Discharge My Official
Duty Accordingly.
God Bless You.

 Oops! Dealing with Mrs. Helen Ndukwe was out of the question.

I'm sorry, but as a devout member of the Fukawi religion, I'm not allowed to make monetary transactions with women. If someone other than Mrs.Helen Ndukwe can handle my money, perhaps we can continue.

 I'm glad they respected my religion.

Attention Beneficiary:

This Is To Inform You That I Acknowledge Your Mail,


In Order To Proceed With This Transaction,
Make The Payment With Our Embassy Protocol Officers Name Below:

Receives Name: Mr Princewill  Sereaka
Address: 11, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Text Question: For
Text Answer: Service
Amount Expected $185

As Soon As You Make The Payment You Send Me The Details So That I Will
Proceed For The Onward Delivery Immediately. And also reconfirm your
Home Address

 Now we could proceed.

That's more like it. Women and money don't mix with us Fukawis. You know, you guys have interesting names -- Goodluck, Princewill. It's like you came up with them by playing Scrabble.
I've been collecting pennies for years. And I just happen to have enough to cover that $185. I don't have any rolls, so they would just be kind of loose in a manila envelope. Would a manila envelope be OK? I ask only because you live in Nigeria and not Manila. If they had a Nigeria envelope, I'd use that.

I received an acknowledgement five minutes later:

Attention Beneficiary:
This Is To Inform You That I Receive Your Mail.

Just to show I was professional:

This is to inform you that I receive your mail, too.

It looked like I hit a raw nerve:

Attention Beneficiary:
Sir what do you expect from me now to do or do you want to make me
lose my job here. if you are no really capable to handle this then you
can call my boss and discuss with him.

Listen Sir, here we are working on instruction and directive and i
think i give you all the service you needed for the registration of
your fund. You have to make the payment to enable your fund be among
that will receive there fund by Sunday or Monday Morning. i serve God
and i keep to my word. Have a nice day.

He had gone from "God Bless You" to "Have a nice day." Looked like it was time to wrap this up.

Simmer down, Rev! I don't want you to lose your job. I mean, I'm on your side here. I just asked if I could pay you in pennies. Sorry if that was too much to ask. Look, my uncle's the ambassador to Nigeria -- he'd be happy to drop by your office with money in person. He'll give your boss a call so he arrange the drop-off. How's that sound?

 I never got a reply. And I thought it was a pretty fair offer.

                                                 *********************

SCAM #11: MR. CARLOS VINCENT

 OK, I admit it: I've been known to play the lottery once in a while. You know, a dollar & a dream and all that stuff. Well, was I delighted to see that I could have a really big dream -- for nothing!
 
Mr Carlos Vincent info@lincolned.onmicrosoft.com via na01-by2obe.outbound.protection.outlook.com 


Good day,

My name is Mr Carlos Vincent, I work with the Euro Lottery. I am soliciting your assistance for a swift transfer of £4,528,000.00 GBP,(Four Million, Five Hundred and Twenty Eight Thousand GBP).

should you be willing to assist me in this project? you will be giving me just 40% of your winnings.and 60% for your effort you put in.

Just as a brief,you just have to register online,due to my position in the company I can make it happen that you would be a winner of the above stated amount. Naturally, every body would like to play a lottery if they are assured of winning.

I am assuring you today to be a winner, please do not take for granted this once in a life time opportunity as we both stand to collectively gain from this at the success of the transaction.

Should you be willing to assist me in this transaction please do respond to e-mail:

carlosvincent4@admin.in.th

Regards,
Mr Carlos Vincent
 
 I tend not to trust guys who put "Mr." in front of their names -- it's not like it signifies a real occupation.
 
Dear Mr. Vincent,
That's incredible. Four million pounds -- that's almost as many pounds as the Kardashian sisters put together! But I didn't enter the lottery. And you said you can make me win. Is that legal? I'd hate to do something illegal. Are you sure we can do this without getting into trouble?
 
This was the first time a scammer admitted it was a scam.
 
Hello Friend,  
 
While thanking you for your response to my e-mail,am not doing it for you because i want your money just that i need an outsider on this so please be assured that this project is ready for execution and it is 100% risk-free and hitch-free provided you follow my instructions as the originator of the deal.
 
I am the operations manager who generate weekly winning number, that is I operate the Euro Lottery electronic system that generates winning numbers. 
 
I can make you emerge winner of £4,528,000.00 (Four Million, Five Hundred and Twenty Eight Thousand GBP). First, you would have to visit the Euro Lottery official website https://www.playeuromillions.com/en/registration.html and register as an intending lottery player and a confirmation e-mail of your registration containing a password would be sent to you immediately.
 
All you need do is forward that confirmation e-mail to my own e-mail account, please do not take any further action as I am fully responsible for the other actions.Using my position as the chief system operator. 
 
I would manipulate the system selecting you as the winner of the above stated funds and full payment formalities of your presumed winnings would be conducted under the official presumption that you indeed won the prize.
 
Please appreciate the fact that this entire process took 2years of strategic planning to come to this perfected modality and I am working with a legal partner on this who would be taking care of all legal issues just to ensure that we are fully within the premises of the law making this transaction 100% legal and legitimate. 
 
This you would agree with me guarantees our enjoyment of the proceeds with absolute peace of mind even after the transfer. In fact, the essence of the enjoyment of the proceeds with absolute peace of mind is the sole yardstick with which we intend to conduct the affairs of this project.
Please do advise me on a direct phone line I can communicate with you, please be free to call me at any time on my 
cell phone below.
 
Regards, 
Mr Carlos Vincent
 
 How does someone with a phone code for Bermuda run the Euro Lottery? Oh, who cares!
 
This sure sounds exciting! You spent two years essentially figuring out a way to scam the Lottery -- and want me to take part! But here's the thing. If you're ready and willing to scam the Lottery, how do I know you're not trying to scam me? I'd like to see some ID, if you don't mind. You know, something that identifies you as the operator of the Lottery. You do that, and we can talk. Otherwise, well, how can I trust you?
 
As usual, this wasn't too much to ask.
 
Hello Friend, How are you today?for your information am not trying to scammed you either the lottery home,my quarantines is very close and my daughter is lying down in the hospital that why so if you are interested in helping me out do proceed with it.however attache in this mail is a copy of ID Card and pics that is the best i can send and you have send me yours too to enable me know who am dealing with because this is a huge sum of amount. First you have to visit the website and  First, you would have to visit the Euro Lottery official website https://www.playeuromillions.com/en/registration.html and register as an intending lottery player and a confirmation e-mail of your registration containing a password would be sent to you immediately. 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 Yep, those look 100% authentic alright. I responded in kind.
 
Wow, you're a handsome dog, aren't you? Better keep my wife away from you -- might start getting ideas!
I don't blame you for wanting a gander at my ID -- lots of money involved, eh? Especially when you're rigging the game!. But you only want to give me 60%. I'm taking a real risk here you know. You're in charge of the thing, you can get away scot free. Excuse me, Brit free, HAHAHA! But seriously, I'm going to be left holding the bag. What do you say if you give me, say 80% and a carton of Weetabix? I'm probably going to have to hightail it to England once this goes down, so I might as well get used to that stuff, you handsome dog you.

I guess Mr. Carlos Vincent wasn't fooled, because I didn't hear from his again. It must be because he knew that the man in the photo, comedic actor Robert Woolsey, died in 1938. I mean, it's not because it doesn't look authentic, right?

                                               ***********************

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

SCAM #10: JAMES DIMON

According to Wikipedia, James Dimon "is an American business executive. He is the current chairman, president and chief executive officer of JP Morgan Chase, one of the Big Four Banks of the United States, and has served as a Class A director of the Board of Directors of the New York Federal Reserve since January 2007." For a guy with that kind of resume, his grammar skills are somewhat lacking:

From the Desk Of:
Manager: Mr. James Dimon
JP Morgan Chase Bank.
New York City
Telephone +3472-989-606

Legitimate Entitled Owner Of: US$9,500. 000.
RE: ABSOLUTE LEGAL CERTIFICATION: FINAL CONFIRMABLE REMITTANCE

This is to notify you that your fund which the JP Morgan Chase Bank  has map out to wire your over due contract  payment  to your nominated account, has been given stop order. Because we are having some problems with the international monitoring fund (IMF) because of the delay and the documents sign by one Mr. Robert  William, whose photographe is below.

Also the money which involved is $9.500,000,00 United State Dollars.

We have one Mr. Robert  William who said that you sent him to sign the documents for you and he is the one that sign all the documents consigning your fund and also commission the JP Morgan Chase Bankto send your fund to his account, but because of the fraudulent act the decided to know.

1)did you send any body to sign any document for you.
2)did you consult Mr. Robert  William to wire your fund to his nominated account

3)did Mr. Robert  William organically related to you, is he you uncle.

Then if you are not the one that send him you kindly send to us immediately so that we can not make any mistake.Below is the information which you will send to us.

1)   Your Full Name:
2)   Your Contact cell phone number and your fax number for easy communication.

3)   Your banking information were your fund will be wired or ATM CARD to your doorstep.

4) Your address

Note: that we have only 7 working days to receive all this information which we required from you so as soon as we receive the information from you, your fund will be wired into your account within 24 hours contact me through my personal email address mr.jameslee497@yahoo.com.hk.

Your immediate response will be highly appreciated
Best Regards.


Mr. James Dimon
Manager: JP Morgan Chase Bank
New York City
Telephone +3472-989-606

Why would James Dimon of New York use a Hong Kong email address under a different name? It, like his grammar, spelling and punctuation, was a mystery I hoped to unravel with my reply:


Mr. Dimon,
I am so sorry for not getting back to you earlier. I was in the hospital for surgery on my broken coccyx (that's coccyx, not you know what!). It took longer than I expected to get home. I kept setting off alarms when I walked out through the metal detector. It turned out the surgeon left some of his tools in me! I said to him, "What do I look like, a toolbox?" LOL!
So I hope I'm not too late for this money thing. Unfortunately, there was no picture of Mr. Robert William attached to your email. Can you resend it to me with the picture? I don't want to make a mistake. I have lots of relatives, and this might be mine. I don't someone to make a monkey's uncle out of my uncle!
Thank you. You are a 24-karat Dimon!

One day later came the response, even more unreadable than the first email:

Thanks for your message and you have to know that this man call Mr. Robert William tries to wire your fund to his nominated account we don’t want to make
any mistake. And here is the attachment of photographer is below.

1)did you send any body to sign any document for you.
 2)did you consult Mr. Robert  William to wire your fund to his nominated account
 3)did Mr. Robert  William organically related to you, is he you uncle.

Then if you are not the one that send him you kindly send to us immediately so that we can not make any mistake.

Below is the information which you will send to us.

You are advice to make your choice of your payment from our payment methods so that your Fund will be release to you,

(1)Cash Delivery to your doorstep
 (2) ATM Card  with us in JP Morgan Chase Bank.
 (3) bank to bank transfer.

Your Full Name:...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,
Your Complete Address:.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Direct Tele: Number:.......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,
Mobile Number: ....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Occupation:...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Nationality:...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,

Note: that we have only 7 working days to receive all this information which we required from you so as soon as we receive

the information from you, your fund will be wired into your account within 24 hours

Your immediate response will be highly appreciated

Best Regards.

 Those IDs couldn't have looked phonier if I had created them (and that's saying something). It was what I wanted, but there was still another matter that confused me:

Helloooooo Mr. Dimon!

Thank you for sending the picture of Mr. Robert William. But I am still confused about what I have to do. Do I get the money if I say he is my uncle? If  that is the case, HE'S MY UNCLE!!!
And if I get the money if he's not my uncle, HE'S NOT MY UNCLE!!!
Let me know which is the way I should reply to your next email.
I hope my response was immediate enough.

These jokers must have really been salivating, for their response came in about an hour, a record:

Thanks for your message and you have to know that Mr. Robert William told me that you sent he to come and sign all the documents by him and he is your uncle. Then if you are not the one that send him you kindly send to us immediately so that we can not make any mistake.

Well, no way I wanted Mr. Dimon to make a mistake:

Hello again (and again!) Mr. Dimon!
I've looked at that picture again and I must say that I'm not sure if that is my uncle Mr. Robert William. I haven't seen him since he slipped on a banana peel and went into a six-year coma. However, since he's up and about, he must be OK and remembers the "special" nickname he had for me. If you ask him what my nickname was and he answers "Passpartout", then boy howdy that's my uncle Mr. Robert William! And if he doesn't know, then you're dealing with a scoundrel and I want NOTHING to do with him. You hear me? NO THING!
So I hope it's him. I had no idea Uncle Mr. Robert William had that kind of dough lying around, and I'd like to get my hands on it if he's giving it to me. As well he should. Passpartout is a stupid nickname and I want a payoff.  

I guess I'll never know if the man claiming to be my uncle is legit. I never received a reply.
                                                          *************