Let's face it, the world is going to hell. So you can imagine how special I felt when the Secretary General of the UN took the time to get in touch with me:
FROM THE DESK OF MR. BAN KI-MOON
FROM THE DESK OF MR. BAN KI-MOON
SECRETARY GENERAL UNITED NATIONS NEW YORK
Attention: Beneficiary.
Your ATM Card Contract Fund Payment From United Nations
This is to let you know that we received a payment credit instruction
from the Federal Reserve Bank New York and Federal Government of Togo in
West Africa to pay you with your full inheritance fund sum of
us$8.5million from the Federal Reserve account with our office. We have
been having series of meetings for the past 1 month now which ended
2days ago with the Togolese Government, HSBC Bank of United Kingdom (UK)
with the World Bank Officials. This email is for all the people that
have been scammed in any part of the world, the United Nations,HSBC Bank
of United Kingdom (UK) Reserve Bank of Togo in West Africa, with the
World Bank officials have agreed to compensate them with the sum of
Eight Million, Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars each victim.
This includes every foreign contractor that may have not received his or
her contract sum and people that had an unfinished transaction, people
who have inheritance to claim or international businesses that failed
due to inability of Government in some part of World.
It is my pleasure to inform you that ATM Visa Card has been approved in
your favor, The ATM Card Value is $8,500,000 USD (Eight Million Five
Hundred Thousand, USD Only) You are advised that a value of $20,000.00
USD is permitted for withdrawal per day and are duly Inter Switch so you
can make withdrawal at any ATM locate Center of your choice around the
world. However what is required of you is to contact the delivery agent
through her email address as stated below for the immediate delivery of
your ATM card.
Rev Mrs. Lisa Ndu
Email: lisandu1970@gmail.com
Now you are therefore you are required to contact our Delivery Department through the email above within the next 48hrs.
Your immediate response is highly needed to enable our delivery department complete your delivery to your address immediately.
Thanks for your understanding while we looking forward to serve you better.
Congratulations on your inheritance fund.
Thanks and God bless you.
Best Regards,
Mr. Ban Ki-Moon
Secretary General United Nations New York.
In my excitement, I neglected to note that I was replying to a different person, so I wound up addressing my email to the Secretary General:
In my excitement, I neglected to note that I was replying to a different person, so I wound up addressing my email to the Secretary General:
Dear Mr. Moon,
So you're the man in the moon I've hearing about all my life, LOL! Seriously, that kind of jack sounds mighty good to me! 20,000 a day? That buys a lotta hookers, don't it? Or maybe one REAL GOOD hooker! Frankly, I'd put that money to better use than those people in Africa, who just live in the woods or something, right?
So what do I have to do to get my hands on all that money? I'm mighty horny
Chester "Horny" Hooten
So you're the man in the moon I've hearing about all my life, LOL! Seriously, that kind of jack sounds mighty good to me! 20,000 a day? That buys a lotta hookers, don't it? Or maybe one REAL GOOD hooker! Frankly, I'd put that money to better use than those people in Africa, who just live in the woods or something, right?
So what do I have to do to get my hands on all that money? I'm mighty horny
Chester "Horny" Hooten
I was afraid that mistake would cost me my rightful fortune. Fortunately, the UN is a forgiving institution:
Attention: Chester Hooten
It is my pleasure to inform you that i got your message and all the
content was well understood. I write to confirm to you that you’re
international Visa ATM card is here with us for immediately delivery
to you, I have been waiting to hear from you as to direct me on how to
send your atm loaded with your money card to you.
There was a meeting about your inheritance and the United Nations
agreed with all other concerned authorities to pay you the sum of
US$8,500,000.00 for all your past efforts and attempts to complete
your transaction that never went through.
You are advised to stop every other communications you are having with
any other person or company or banks about any transaction that
concern the receipt of this your money.
However you are required to reconfirm your details as stated below.
FULL RECEIVER’S NAME:....................................
AGE:.........................................
RECEIVER’S ADDRESS:...............................
CITY:………………………………………………….
STATE:……………………………………………………..
ZIP CODE:……………………………………………………
DIRECT PHONE:.....................
OCCUPATION:..........................
COUNTRY :................................
SCANNED COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION CARD..... FOR CONFIRMATION OF IDENTITY.
Get back to me as soon as possible with the required information, so
that we can complete the delivery process immediately, this is my
direct number is +22898215666
Thanks and my regards to your family.
Remain bless.
Mrs. Lisa Ndu
It is my pleasure to inform you that i got your message and all the
content was well understood. I write to confirm to you that you’re
international Visa ATM card is here with us for immediately delivery
to you, I have been waiting to hear from you as to direct me on how to
send your atm loaded with your money card to you.
There was a meeting about your inheritance and the United Nations
agreed with all other concerned authorities to pay you the sum of
US$8,500,000.00 for all your past efforts and attempts to complete
your transaction that never went through.
You are advised to stop every other communications you are having with
any other person or company or banks about any transaction that
concern the receipt of this your money.
However you are required to reconfirm your details as stated below.
FULL RECEIVER’S NAME:....................................
AGE:.........................................
RECEIVER’S ADDRESS:...............................
CITY:………………………………………………….
STATE:……………………………………………………..
ZIP CODE:……………………………………………………
DIRECT PHONE:.....................
OCCUPATION:..........................
COUNTRY :................................
SCANNED COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION CARD..... FOR CONFIRMATION OF IDENTITY.
Get back to me as soon as possible with the required information, so
that we can complete the delivery process immediately, this is my
direct number is +22898215666
Thanks and my regards to your family.
Remain bless.
Mrs. Lisa Ndu
That paragraph about keeping my bank in the dark should certainly be a tip-off to the greediest of the greedy. Even Chester Hooten, of all people, needed an explanation:
This
is getting pretty darned exciting! I agree that the United Nations owes
me 8 million smackers for all the grief they've brought me, and this is
more than enough of "I'm sorry."
But I have one, just one question. My bank is going to notice that I'm going to be using their ATM a whole hell of a lot. Shouldn't I let them know that it's perfectly alright, it's only the biggest VISA card in the world?
I guess current events proved to be more important than a VISA card, because Mrs. Ndu stopped all communications. If only I hadn't been so nosy.
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