Wednesday, January 28, 2015


Another lawyer representing another rich guy without any next of kin wants to split several million dollars with me. Man, I wish that someday one of these offers will be legit. Until then, this will have to suffice:

From: Chaoxiang Liang <>
Date: Monday, December 29, 2014
Subject: Regarding An Estate

I am Chaoxiang Liang, relationship manager for a finance house in Hong Kong. I am in touch with you regarding the estate of a deceased client who had an investment placed under our bank management. I would respectfully request that you keep the content of this email confidential because of nature of information you come
by as result of this email.I contact you independently and no one is inform of this communication. I take huge gamble to send you this email and hope you understand that my mind will not rest until I hear your reply.

In 2003 Mark J Heuer came to Our Bank to Engage in Discussions with Our Private Banking business division. He Deposited 8.35 million United States Dollars, for which we Created a Financial Portfolio for his behalf. On my advice, we spun the Money Around Various Opportunities and made attractive profit for first year. At this point the account was over 10 million United States Dollars. In early 2005, he instructed that the principal sum (8.35M) be liquidated to make urgent investment requiring cash payments in Hong Kong. We get in touch with a specialist bank in Hong Kong who agreed to receive this money for a fee and make cash available to Mark. However the Bank gotten in touch with us last year that this money has not been claimed. On further enquiries we found out that Mark was dead of sudden ailment. He has no next of kin.

What I propose is that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. My bank will contact you informing you that money has been willed to you. On verification, which will be the details I make available to my bank, my bank will instruct the paying bank to make payments to you. You do not have to have known him. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. You will not be committing wrongdoing because it is the bank that will contact you to claim the money. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in half. In the banking circle this happens often. The other option is that the money will revert back to the state.

Nobody is getting hurt; this is a lifetime opportunity for us I hold the KEY to these funds, and as a Chinese National we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily Please, again, note I am a family man..; I have wife and children. I send you this email not without fear of the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and wealth never come easy. This is the one truth I have learned from my private clients . Please do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should act swiftly on this. Please pardon my writing mistakes. Please get back to me immediately via email.

I awaiting your response

You can always trust a family man, right? It was my duty to let him know I was onboard with his scheme:

Dear Mr. Liang,

Now that's a way to start the new year: making money the old-fashioned way -- by having it handed over to you by a complete stranger!

Can we just say right now that it's a good thing your client bit the dust? I mean, how else could we split his fortune? And better us than the state -- they've got mucho dinero, as our amigos south of the border would say. Too mucho, if you ask me.

Well, let me give your little mind a rest. I'm up for whatever plan you have in store. Just let me know what to do, and next time this year, maybe we'll both be Tahiti drinking Mai-tais and eating BBQ pig ears.

Chester Hooten

When I didn't hear back for two weeks, I wrote the whole thing off. Then, out of the blue, a reply -- with a good excuse!

Attn Hooten
Thank you for your reply for my letter. firstly I will apologize for my late response in replying your message I have been on vacation with my family   I will explaining what needs to be done before money is reach your account because we have make sure the transfer is within law. But first I must say that I having enormous respect for you considering the manner with which I have contact with you. We have not meeting before but  the unique of your last name has made it possible for us to come together in this deal. Lets move forward and lets see what we can achieve. In everything we does with another there must be a meeting of minds. So you have to let me direct the process if we decide to proceed. As we say in Chinese thoroughness is what is needed here. I am not man of many words but I am assurance you, that we will be success at the end as I an not involve myself in anything that is not going to be benefit for us. I do not needing any upfront fees from you for anything. 

Everything is going to be done in sequence and legally. I will expecting that the whole process will be take about 2 weeks before the money will be in your account. At this stage I having exclusive access to the files. I will be instructing a solicitor in China to prepare all the documents in your name. This will be put in my file and present to my bank. It will be approved and then authorization given to the bank to make payment to you. Please this is very important and your total commitment is what is desired.

At this stage I am sure you have many of questions you want to ask. We are going to take this matter on a step-by-step basis. However something that I must point out to you at this stage is that there is no wrong on your part. At the end of the day it is the Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation (OCBC), that will be contact you to inform you that money has been left for you. You are not contacting the bank so you are doing absolutely nothing wrong or taking any risk. The only person who could have disputed this is long gone. As soon as my bank has gone through all formalities with you, they will instruct OCBC to make payments to you. This will be done through an Attorney as certain verifications required by law have to be done.
To proceed I will need you to re-confirming the following information
FULL NAMES.......................................
TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.................................
My friend please let us be positive and show discretion as we both make one of the most fruitful steps of our lives. I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards
Chaoxiang Liang

For a man of not many words, that's sure a dense email. But not as dense as me when I replied:

A vacation? Good for you! hope it wasn't Disneyland, otherwise you'd have measles! I've heard of German measles; are there Chinese measles? (That sounds like a name for a wrestler, LOL!!)

Before I give you my personal information, can you tell me how you happened to find my name? I mean, I'm happy to take the money. But I don't know anybody Chinese other than the people on the corner who make dumprings.(At least that's how they pronounce it.) Are you sure I'm the right Chester Hooten, and not another Chester Hooten that's related to the dead rich guy? I just Googled my name, and there are 152,000 entries. I can't be all of them! Especially since some of them are DEAD! I'm not dead, just confused.

Yours truly,
The Living Chester Hooten

Too dense for my own good, perhaps. I never heard from Mr. Liang again.


Tuesday, January 27, 2015


 I'm no expert at economics, so maybe someone can explain why a country that could use dough, like Africa, wants to give me a large piece of it.

Africa's Priority Program for Economic recovery
Tel:233 0380870122
Fax:233 0380870121

Good day Kevin,

I am Rev. Andrew Robertson, of the newly inaugurated African Union Debt
Recovery committee (AUDRC). My committee as Africa's Priority Program for
Economic recovery has a mandate to pay unpaid debts associated with NNPC
contracts, inheritance fund, loans and grants etc ranging from $1M-$45.5M
owed to various beneficiaries and companies across the globe (Asia,
Europe, USA, Africa, and Australia) and submit the list of the unpaid
beneficiaries /companies to the appointed official paying Bank for
immediate payment.

This payment arrangement was setup by the African Union and the United
Nation Refund committee after the final meeting held in Abuja and United
Kingdom. The Board has concluded that everyone on the list who lost money
in any false transactions originated from Africa should receive immediate
compensation fee of US$ 2,400,000(Two Million Four Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars)

In the course of our investigation, your name was short listed among the
individuals yet to be paid hence this email. Therefore to meet up with the
giving mandate and to avoid undue delay I have decided to contact you for
reconfirmation of your details to enable us submit them to the paying bank
for your payment. If I fail to hear from you after 72 hours, it will be
assumed that you are not ready for the payment and your application will
be cancelled without prejudice.

Therefore, reconfirm your particulars below and contact me with full
details and necessary actions will be taken accordingly.

1. Full Name: _____________________________________________
2. Address: _______________________________________________
3. Nationality:__________________, Sex____________Female_____
4. Age: _______________________, Date of Birth: ______________
5. Occupation: ____________________________________________
6. Phone: ________________________________, Fax: ___________
7. State of Origin: __________________, Country: _______________
8. Any scanned copy of your identity to prove yourself.
9. Complete banking details for immediate transfer of your funds.


Best Regards
Rev. Andrew Robertson

Let's see -- African Debt Fund, European email domain. Nothing suspicious there. For some reason, I neglected to reply within the required timeframe, but begged for a second chance.

Dear Rev. Robertson,

I'm so grateful to have heard from you. Unfortunately, I was unable to reply to your email within 72 hours. I was one of those people trapped under nine feet of snow in upstate New York, and was unable to access my wifi. You'd think by now the cable company would have thought ahead about such a possible problem. I guess you don't have snow in Africa. Let me tell you, it's colder than Ted Cruz walking past an unemployment line.

Now because I was late in responding, I wanted to know if I was still eligible for that money. If so, then please let me know. If not, well, I guess i understand, but remember it wasn't my fault. It was the snow's and the cable company's fault. So don't hold it against me.

Chester Hooten

These were very forgiving people, because I received a cautiously optimistic reply.

Good day Chester Hoosten

This is to acknowledged the receipt of your message and the contents noted. The reasonfor your late response has been communicated to the Board.

I was disappointed that they couldn't spell my phony name correctly, but I remained humble.

Dear Rev. Robertson,

Thank you. I hope that I didn't blow this thing. I just wanted to let you know the snow wasn't my fault. I have no control whatsoever over the weather. I understand you guys have tribal wizards or something that can do that kind of thing, but I lack those skills. Maybe you can teach me. All I know about Africa is that lousy song by Toto.

Chester Hooten

Looks like I insulted his taste in music, for that was the last I heard from Rev. Robertson.