Wednesday, October 30, 2013

SCAM #14: MAJOR ALAN EDWARD

Now here's a fellow who took the time to take a different tact from the usual tall tales.

Major Alan Edward <hasan@kideco.com>




Hello,

I am in the Military Unit here in Afghanistan, we have some amount of funds that we want to move out of the country. My partners and I need a good partner and someone we can trust. It is risk free and legal. Reply to this email:majoralanedward14@bisedime.net


I saw this movie. It was called Three Kings and starred George Clooney. I enjoyed it so much, I had to take part in it.

At ease, Major!

They say war is hell, but from here it looks like heaven -- like $20 million worth! And no way should your trust be given out lightly. You've been fighting a war where the next camel you see might have a bomb inside its hump. I had a hump the other night, and it was a bomb. But I didn't tell her, haha!
 
I'm afraid I'm not married. At least, not any more. My wife left me for another lady. Can you believe that? I wondered why she watched Ellen Degeneres all the time and knew the lyrics to all the Indigo Girls songs. The lady she left me for has hair shorter than me and looks like a Teamster. I mean, she looked more like a man than me. Maybe that was my problem. Well, that and the hairs on my tongue.
But trust, like the street where I grew up, runs both ways (except when street cleaning rules are in effect). I know that you need my all my vital information. But I need to trust you. I need to see your military ID (dog tags -- like you're animals, so insulting) before I show you my passport. Then we can talk about that money situation of yours. Just don't tell my ex-wife. She and her "husband" might want some of that loot, probably for one of them to get a sex change, which would be really stupid, since that would make the whole lesbian thing moot.

 Not only did he come through with the ID, he actually asked for my input regarding investments. Now that's a pal!
 
 
Dear Friend,
 
 I am in receipt of your recent email hence this reply please note  that this transaction is LEGAL AND RISK FREE ,I have also sent an attached copy of my military id along this mail.I need you to trust me and help me achieve this dream.

 funds were discovered in one of the raid we carried out here in the city of Kabul. We have decided to hide these funds until recently when the Government embarks on the pulling out of our troops from here. please note that immediately I acquire this money the need to find a very reliable and trusted person who will help receive and keep the money safe now arises, so i now have to search through the international web contact directory database so that is where I found your very credible contact.My unit will be the next to be pulled of out of here in the next 3-4 months or so, hence the need to get a reliable partner that can help us receives this funds until I return home became very necessary. Please I will appreciate your co-operation and your utmost honesty to execute this transaction with me. The total sum amount in the box is $20,000,000 MILLIONS US DOLLARS and I hope that you can handle it?
 
Immediately the money get to you just go ahead and take your 30% and then keep my 70% very safe until i am through with my business over here.
 Meanwhile i will want you to help me suggest a very good and lucrative business that we can both invest in and after my service is through which will be December this year i will come over and run our investment. I will really appreciate if you can respond back with your full contact details so that we can proceed further.

Full Name:
Contact Address:
Phone number:
A scan copy of your ID or International Passport.

Hoping to hear from you soonest.
 
Regards,
Major Alan Edward.
 
 
I couldn't wait to get our business up and running.
 
My my, what a strapping soldier you are! No doubt you kicked some serious Kabul butt. Or would that be Kabulian butt? Those middle east countries have oil money floating out of their ears; no way are they going to miss $20 million, You deserve it, pal, no doubt about it. By the way, just a million one-dollar bills weighs 2,040 pounds, which is pretty darn heavy. So 20 million times 2,040 is way more than I can figure out even with a calculator. So make sure you exchange them for hundreds. I think that would be only 400 pounds. If airplanes can carry fat people, they can certainly carry the same weight in money.
As for a good investment, well you came to the right person! I've got an idea that will make us even bigger millionaires! Condoms for dogs when their owners can't afford to get them fixed. Believe me, pet owners will spend anything for their animals. They're sick that way, that's for sure, unless you're a pet owner, which would mean you just care about them a lot. I've been batting around some names for the product. Which one sounds good to you?:
K9 Condoms
Fido Fux
Bow Wow Balloons
Rover's Rubbers

And since you were so good to show me your ID, here is mine. I hope this gives all the information you need. By the way, can you give me an advance on that $20 million? I want to start up the business ASAP, partner!


 Once again, my cut-and-paste skills were a sure sign I wasn't on the level. Either that, or he was a Broadway maven who immediately recognized the legendary stage actor Bobby Clark, because this was the end of our communication. When will I ever learn?
 
                                                     *********************

                                            
 
 
 

3 comments:

  1. hahahaha, unbelievable! :)
    That guy wrote to me, too. Can't wait to put your story into effect :)
    Best regards,
    Lenna

    ReplyDelete
  2. I sent the following reply:

    Dear Major Alan

    You are a naughty scammer!

    You are going to get a good spanking!

    ReplyDelete
  3. lenna and Paul are both idiots.. the O.P. is somewhat clever.. but it seemed as if they were trying too hard.

    I have been working this group for some time.. and love to see that your info corresponds with mine in regards to his main story and request.

    ReplyDelete