James B. Comey <email@example.com>FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D C.
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE ,
NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
I wish to inform you that we have been holding series of meeting with representatives from IMF , United nations and world bank.
It was unanimously agreed that 15 individuals be given a compensation compensation of $3.00 million in form of cashier check due to unfinished contract, inheritance payment they have in Nigeria or loss incurred from Scam.
Other beneficiaries have already receive theirs .
You are the only one whose cashier check is still undelivered.
You are by this notice advised to contact MR.IBRAHIM DANGWOBE ,ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF THE FEDERATION via the email address firstname.lastname@example.org for the delivery of your cashier check .You should cooperate with him and send to him a stamp duty fee of $250 to enable him deliver the cashier check to you without any huddle.
Thank you for listening to our advice .
James B. Comey
If I were to listen to his advice, I'd be an even bigger idiot than the, well, idiot who sent this. Still, I felt obliged to reply -- and even offer my heartiest felicitations:
Dear Mr. Dagwobe:
First of all, allow me to congratulate Nigeria on advancing to round 16 of the World Cup. I'm sure that you and your fellow sports fans are proud of a group of grown men who make a living kicking a ball around a field. Who needs a good education, right? From what I read in the papers, your Islamist terrorists don't have much use for education, and they're making some pretty serious headway your way!
Giving you, a total stranger, $250 in exchange for $3.00 million is surely a good deal no matter where you stand. Or sit, like I am now. I don't think anybody stands while sending an email, unless they're really tall and prefer to put the computer on top of the refrigerator. Do you have refrigerators in Nigeria? Pretty hot there! Where else would you store your giraffe pate?
So what's your address? Let's get this deal cooking, before the terrorists blow up what's left of your country.
Mr. Dagwobe must have fallen victim to the terrorists, because he never replied. Either that, or he choked to death on his giraffe pate.