Wednesday, May 28, 2014


Unlike other scammails I've received, this one came "attention to" me, getting past my spam folder and straight into my inbox. As usual, the grammar, punctuation, and syntax were just a little off:

Customs Service (U.S.) Washington, D.C.

 This is to inform you that  it has come to conclusion by the heads of this organization to return a parcel on your name and address containing An ATM card from the HSBC bank In UK London after serial of reports by the senders (FEDEX COURIER SERVICE)/MS.IFEOMA ONYEME/CBN/UNITED NATION about your inability to obtain the clearance Tag which cost only the sum of 520 Euro to insure the legality of the parcel, You are therefore advised to get back to us today regarding your reluctance to this effect because we have just 78 working hours to return the parcel as instructed by the FBI(WASHINGTON DC) if we do not hear back from you within the hours given.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms.Christine Churchill.
Email (mschristinechurchill@hotmail. com)

Who knew Hotmail is the official email service of the U.S. government? I forwarded Ms. Churchill's message to my other, scam-only email address that uses my nom-de-spam Chester Hooten, knowing full well it didn't matter to the scammers who or where the reply came from. I used a different tact this time, as you'll see -- partly to amuse myself, partly to see if they would take the bait:

Boy, am I glad that this is a holiday and I was home to get your email! 78 hours isn't much hours, is it? An ATM card for me? I don't even have a checking account -- I cash my paycheck at the Stan & Ollie's Liquor Palace down the block. Having an ATM card would do me some good, yes sir it would alright. Can you tell me how much money is on the ATM card? I want to get my hands on it ASAP. The FBI has enough money, they don't need mine godammit do they? Pardon my language, I just got back from Stan & Ollie they are open now so I went to celebrate even tho it is holiday here and i had something to drink well maybe two and i am still having a little drink please tell me what to do i will do anything you want.

my name chester hooten

Quick question: would you take this person seriously? Or would you think he was the perfect patsy? Well, we know what Ms. Churchill thinks:

Customs Service (U.S.) Washington, D.C.
Attn:  Chester Hooten

Thanks for your email,It may interest you to know that the parcel here says on the attached documents that it is an ATM card with the back up documents on your name as a compensation payment of US$1Million from the Federal Government of Nigeria (FGN) which has long due for payment.

There is no way we can send the parcel on to you without the confirmation of the needed fees which is 520 Euro only and the fees covers both the shipping and clearing charges of the parcel to your address in United States Of America.

Therefore,You are advised to get back to us so that we can let you know where to send the fees to enable us ship the parcel to your address in United States Of America,Also try and reconfirm your address with a working phone number to reach you while getting back to us.

I will also update the FBI on your respond to our email letter hence they have asked for all the updates to make sure all goes well.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms.Christine Churchill.
Email (mschristinechurchill@hotmail. com

It's remarkable how Ms. Churchill writes like everybody who wants to give me money from Nigeria; or, rather, who wants to take my money and give it to a Nigerian. But that's not what I wanted to tell her:

Hi there! You sure got back to me fast fast fast! And that's how fast I want that one million dollars! But my father always told me never to give my address and phone number out to someone I didn't know. He's dead now but I feel his presence telling me to get your name and address, but not for a date! If you could send me a picture of your ID, I would be happy to give you my information. And if I have a million, maybe you would like to date me after all! I'll be RICH. I know women like rich men, they all do, and I know you're pretty because you have a pretty name so send me your ID so I can trust you and I'll give you all the information you want.

Chester "I am rich" Hooten 

Such a simple request -- and yet denied once more. How difficult is it to throw together a phony ID?



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